Thursday, March 24, 2016


I made the mistake of listening to the Overture from Cats for the first time immediately after listening to the excellent and incredible Overture from Chicago. Chris and I were both like "WHAT IS THIS!?!?? NO. GOD. HELP. WHY??"

Have you ever heard that music that was created for real cats? Look it up. It's really weird, but supposedly cats like it. This kind of sounds like that "music." Maybe Cats was created for actual cats? It's certainly not created for human ears.

I listened to all of Cats today. I need to write about it now, because I never want to listen to it again as long as I live.*

There are some people who like Cats. For some, I understand. They are dancers. It's a very intriguing show for a dancer/actor (to me, they are the best actors of all time, because I would not be able to take it seriously). There's no book or story in Cats, so it's "good for families." They are going to the theatre to be entertained, not to think (or, apparently, listen to music). MAYBE it ran for so long on Broadway because people didn't understand what the hell was happening and they needed to keep going back to see if they could figure it out.

I do not understand why MOST people like Cats, though (for those that do like it).

This is literally the worst music I have ever heard. The worst. Have I said ANYTHING is the worst music yet? No. Because deep down, I knew the honor would go to Cats. It is the worst music I have ever heard. It is so pretentious. If you've read any of this, you know already that I hate British musical theatre. It's so shitty. But this really takes the cake. The synthesizers, the dissonance, the fact that it was ever created in the first place. THIS is why I hate Webber.

As I said, Cats has no story. It's basically just about a bunch of asshole cats. Sorry! JELLICLE asshole cats. The cats named themselves and one of them named himself Rum Tum Tugger. What the actual fuck is that?

The ballads are so boring and WEIRD. I was never a fan of "Memory" (I think it's creepy as hell), so even that song makes me angry. Literally the ONLY good part to Cats is the chorus to "Jellicle Cats", which is catchy, but the verses are crazy.

At least I'm done with the worst part of this entire project. Everything is uphill from here.

Music by Andrew Lloyd Webber
Lyrics by T.S. Eliot

*Yes, I realize that by saying this, I have basically GUARANTEED that I will play Grizabella in Cats. I will never audition for it specifically. It will be part of a season where they are doing shows that I desperately want to be in and am completely, 100% right for (like Dot in SITPWG or Cathy in L5Y, etc) and I will go to the audition, sing from the show I am perfect for, be amazing, and then only get cast as Grizabella in Cats.

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